A final salute from a son

Love. Simple pure love. While today is a day of farewell I already know without a doubt that your in heaven. So many will at the funeral today bid a fond farewell to a man they call Roland but for me it's goodbye Daddy.
You have over these years since I first came into your life at age 36 been such an inspiration but the thing I learned from you the most is about caring and loving others.
I never felt un-loved growing up. Not once did I ever hear you complain about anything at all. Never once! You taught me good work ethic and to care about others. The biggest lesson was about love. Your love for Mom and her love for you was such an awesome example of getting it right. During the past years in the nursing home so many people would tell me how much you were admired and loved. I am so glad they took great care of you. I remember the day I told you that Mom could no longer do it and that we were taking you to a new home. You did not want to go until I told you it was best for Mom and you pointed toward the car and we went to what would be your new home for the next 5 years.
Just about 2 weeks ago I got a call that you were not feeling well and was not eating. I know that when your ill like in the past you did not eat so I really was not to concerned. I went to see you that sunday and as I often did when mom would not go I called her on the cell phone so she could talk to you or in your case just listen. You handed me the phone back and as I was looking down at the phone I then looked up to see tears in your eyes. I had in all my life only seen you cry one other time. I knew then something was different.
That following Wed I got a chance to tell you in my own way goodbye and get some things off my chest like forgiveness and a final kiss goodbye. Just us in the room as I watched a Dad continue to teach his son about the dignity of death. No machines or tubes or anything just a quiet, painless, and loving goodbye.
You would be so happy to know that I am surrounded by the love of so many. I was doing pretty good emotionaly and tried to be there for mom like I knew you wanted me to be but after everyone had left I stood in the lobby of the funeral home surrounded by the Godly men that was sent to me. The swelling of emotions just took over and I found myself with my head squarely planted in my friends shoulder. It was the most incredible feeling I have ever felt. I know it was God's arms around his little boy telling me that Dad had arrived and I was going to be ok. Then the arms became Derek's the person that God first put in my life. Then I felt as though that one hug turned into another and another like what you would see after a world series win as the team just piles on top of each other. During that brief time I felt so close to God and loved by my so many. I can only imagine how much love your feeling now.

So, Dad I think I got it. Love, care, and share with others. I can NEVER surpass your legacy but only strive to do so and in honoring you Daddy I will spend the rest of my life placing God first, taking care of Mom, and being the son of a man who simply taught me life.
Love you Daddy and will catch up with you later...

Spin the bottle

Yawn, well here is another monday. I spent much of the weekend thinking of my Dad who is not doing so well in the nursing home. He just turned 86 on January 16th and has lived a pretty good life. I was reflecting on my father and what he has taught me over the years.My father taught me:

Good work habits. He owned his own business and from the time I was in high school never once missed a day of work except for the time he had a hernia.

How important it was to care about others. He was always wanting to help someone in any way he could. My mother use to say that if they had all the money my Dad gave away that we would be rich.

Not to complain. Ok, still learning that one. Appreciate what you have as it is always more then what someone else has in life.

I never once heard him speak about his time in the service, but he did teach me to respect this country and those that served and gave their life for our freedom.

He would tell me that experience always comes before wisdom and not the other way around.

He never judged anyone. Everyone he met liked him. I cannot recall anyone ever saying a bad thing about my father. He is a man who taught me the meaning of dignity. Dad has always put everyone before himself.

Most of all he taught me what it meant to really care about and love someone. My father was not perfect at all but he has spent much of the last half of his life making up for some of his mistakes. He is a man of a few words. My Mom and Dad are great examples of what a marriage is about. Here in the later years it's not about anything materialistic. They just want to be together, period. I wish they could live forever, and in my heart they always will. I sat with them sunday as my Dad slowly reached for my mothers hand. He was to weak to get out of bed and my mom sat there holding his hand for 2 hours. I watched as she said goodbye raising ever so slowly out of her will chair determined to give him a kiss goodbye.

I was a kid in elementry school once and told my mom about some of us playing spin the bottle and you had to kiss the person it pointed at. She in her scolding voice told me that kisses are only for people you love.

Kisses to you both, love David.

..the most excellent way.

Sunday night. Things at home are kind of quiet. My good friend is with his family in Ohio. I tried shopping some this weekend but just did not feel it. Church was really good this week with the subject being "love". I had gone to the Saturday night service only to find myself going again on Sunday to hear the message one more time.

I sat with two really good friends and watched as a grandson and a grandfather sitting in the row ahead of me next to each other. The grandfather seemed real in tune with the message and so did the grandson. I watched the grandson take the hand of grandpa and they went up to light a candle near the front of the stage as invited to do so by Pastor Q. I am sure they had there reason and it was a delight to see the love they had for each other. I heard them comment on the way back they had lit a candle for each other. I had come to the service to do just that very thing since I had not done it the previous night. I was set, and I knew when the invitation was going to be given I would be ready. My brain was telling me to get up but my heart was not.

Then it happened. Something I must have missed the night before. Pastor Q said not to just come up but only if moved by the holy spirit to do so. I froze in my chair. I so wanted to go. I began to examine my motives and they were not pure.

You, see my friend Sean spoke some truth to me the previous day. I love Sean so much and his friendship is invaluable to me. We had been talking about life and loving again. Something God has been teaching me to do the right way for the last 5 years. I continue to struggle in that I can't seem to shake some of the things that keep me from it. Sean said to me: "it doesn't have to be that way". I cannot get that out of my head.

1Cr 13:5 It is not rude, it is not self‑seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
I need to somehow drop the anger in dealing with love and lose the reords of wrongs or I will continue to hit that brick wall I have formed.

How about you?

What about you?

CYBESD

The one and only thing (CYBESD) that got me out of deep deep depression a few years ago. So this morning I decided to just take yesterday as an example. So here were my blessings from yesterday:

1. Woke up, roof over my head, something to eat. (Great start)

2. Did the morning exercise gig. (yes I did exercise)

3. Went to an awesome meeting at my church, saw many of my friends.

4. Had an awesome time with the Shedd's. Not to often I hear a ladies opinion. I miss that.

5. Hit the bike trail (Yes, I did exercise) with Will the thrill and Deek. Loved the fellowship.

6. Back home and a quick bite and nap. Read some and off to church.

7. Church..I love my church and those in it.

8. Got a call from my son. Did I mention how much I love him.

9. Watched some of the game..Go Buckeyes...

10. Fellowship on the phone with a brother. I am blessed to have him in my life and finished the evening praying and thanking God for the day.

Trust me I could have doubled that list but I think you get the idea.

Every day we are blessed..it just seems we need to remember that sometimes and more importantly where it comes from.

CYBESD...Count Your Blessings Every Single Day....

Funny how things look now.

7.5 hours and a few seconds to Thanksgiving. Holiday time is here. Still the toughest time for me each year PD (Post Divorce). I heard some people talking, well to be honest complaining about some things the other day and then I reflected back on previous Thanksgivings for me.


I use to think these things.

• How can I satisfy everyone and be in 5 places at once.
  
• Why does my wife stress over having everything perfect.
  
• I hate the fact I have to work the next day while everyone seems to have it off.
  
• Mom's cooking is the best but I have to eat everywhere I go.


• The dreaded ads in the paper just baiting the wife to buy and spend for Christmas based on the fact she was getting a bargain.
  
• I hated dealing with people that seemed to only come around once a year.
  
• Trying to explain for the millionth time I hate cobbler.
  
• Listening to old stories of Thanksgivings in the past when I just want to find a couch to sleep and watch football.
  
• Hoping the kids would just entertain themselves.

But now....

I would love to see everyone all together just one more time.

She was just trying to please everyone including me.

How blessed I was and am to have a job these days and then.

Some people have nothing and I was complaining about quantity.

Wished I would have shared in her joy of shopping and planning.

At least I had the "once", some people did not even have that!

Should have got it with ice cream instead.

Now I catch myself just remembering old times and hating football.

Spent more time with my son. POW! Major hint to all Dads.

Happy Thanksgiving to all and take time to enjoy the Holiday.

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS EVERY SINGE DAY. GO BLESS.

Father's need to be Dad's, Daddy's, and most of all available. I recently was at an event that hosted several young men between age of 15 and 20. Common theme was their father's. I wish some of those absent Dad's could have heard what I heard. Divorce, drugs, alcohol, pornography, selfishness, work, sports, and divorce are just some of the things that separate us from our son's. Yes, I did mention divorce twice only because I think it is the by far the most devastating. When I would hear these young men speak they all wanted Dad's:

• Unconditional Love
• Acceptance
• Time
• Hugs
• Mentoring
• Respect

My friends Jerry and Sean have a man's group that meet with Dad's. What a blessing to see Dad's wanting to become better Dad's. It is never to late to start. If as Dad's we get it right we never have to hear our son's say: "I needed to forgive my Dad". I heard that way to much this past weekend. In some way start being a part of your son's life. I do every day via a phone call and a prayer.

CYBESD...love you Justin.

I like jelly not jam...sorry Dad.

Sunday afternoon and we had all just pushed back from the dinner table. The hot biscuits were being covered up just waiting until about 8pm when my Dad as he did every Sunday night would utter those all so familiar words: "do we have any peach jam left". Dad loved his evening snack of biscuits and jam. Not jelly but jam. He would make the usual trip to the reclining chair and I would climb up on top of him so I could get my usual allowance. We would kick around some in the chair and when he was ready for me to get down I did so gladly as what was to follow was him saying now let me see what I have here. He would reach deep into his pocket and pull out his lose change as I eagerly awaited with a piggy bank in hand. In the money went, while my sister would only put some of her's in and I would put it all. Why, because Dad said if I saved my money that I could get more later then I could now. I was great at saving money as a kid and even as a teenager believe it or not.

Tonight I have been invited to attend the closing of a group who has met for several weeks learning how to better plan and manage their financial affairs. Ever since I heard about the class I have managed to avoid it at all cost...no pun intended. I will talk to you all day long about personal issues but when it comes to money I clam up tighter then someone trying to explain that soccer is a sport. Ooops.The point being that I really didn't want to go, I don't like to discuss it, I hate facing some of the issues, and I just plain don't want to share anything about it with even my closest friends. So why go, because that is where God wants me to be. I am trusting him big time on this one because if left up to me I would bolt on this one. So with that said off I go to their closing tonight. Keep me in check on this one because I think the next class does not start until next January or February.

CYBE$D