Sunday night. Things at home are kind of quiet. My good friend is with his family in Ohio. I tried shopping some this weekend but just did not feel it. Church was really good this week with the subject being "love". I had gone to the Saturday night service only to find myself going again on Sunday to hear the message one more time.
I sat with two really good friends and watched as a grandson and a grandfather sitting in the row ahead of me next to each other. The grandfather seemed real in tune with the message and so did the grandson. I watched the grandson take the hand of grandpa and they went up to light a candle near the front of the stage as invited to do so by Pastor Q. I am sure they had there reason and it was a delight to see the love they had for each other. I heard them comment on the way back they had lit a candle for each other. I had come to the service to do just that very thing since I had not done it the previous night. I was set, and I knew when the invitation was going to be given I would be ready. My brain was telling me to get up but my heart was not.
Then it happened. Something I must have missed the night before. Pastor Q said not to just come up but only if moved by the holy spirit to do so. I froze in my chair. I so wanted to go. I began to examine my motives and they were not pure.
You, see my friend Sean spoke some truth to me the previous day. I love Sean so much and his friendship is invaluable to me. We had been talking about life and loving again. Something God has been teaching me to do the right way for the last 5 years. I continue to struggle in that I can't seem to shake some of the things that keep me from it. Sean said to me: "it doesn't have to be that way". I cannot get that out of my head.
1Cr 13:5 It is not rude, it is not self‑seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
I need to somehow drop the anger in dealing with love and lose the reords of wrongs or I will continue to hit that brick wall I have formed.
How about you?
What about you?
