Happy Birthday, Robin

All week long I wondered what to do, after all on Friday Sept. 21 it was going to be Robin's birthday. I have always tried to treat birthdays special. I recall as a child how special they were each year, after all it was when I got all the attention. During my 20 year marriage I would always try to do something special for Robin and my son Justin.

Lately I have set some tough but needed boundaries in our relationship. So do I for the first time ignore her birthday or do I acknowledge it in a casual way or do I put on a dog and pony show? I called a friend of mines wife and posed that very question. Do what your heart says she told me. POW! So, in a brilliant move I asked her what she thought I would do. Her reply was that I would "cave in". I took offense to that and now I knew the answer. My plan was now just to ignore it totally. I began to call all my friends to make plans for Friday night and everyone was busy. No problem I thought as I went to lunch on Friday not even calling her that morning to wish her a happy birthday. Not me I kept saying, I am not going to cave in this time. My pride began to grow. I stopped by the Christian Book store in Lakeland as I often do at lunch time. I saw all the greeting cards and ignored them so as not to cave in to getting even a birthday card.

I get in this long line and this elderly lady was checking out when she told the clerk she had forgotten to pick up her sister a birthday card. The lady asked if someone could help her since her eyesight was not the best. Her sister Emma was turning 70 in a few days she told the clerk. I got out of line to help her pick out a card. I read a couple of them to her and she was happy with the one that said how much she was thinking of her on her birthday. Then the God Bomb hit! Do you get your wife a card on her birthday she asked? I had not planned to but now my heart left me with little doubt. I picked one out and we both got back in line. She turned to me and asked me when I was going to give it to her and I told her tonight. I asked her when she was going to give her sister her card and she replied she was just going to take it home with her. Why not just give it to her I said, or does she live far away. Her reply with a soft voice was her sister had died three years ago and they had always celebrated their birthdays together except for the first year after she died. She explained to me she was mad at God and her heart was broken. She said she prayed to God and he mended her heart. I asked her when her next birthday was going to be. She said in a few days. Her and her sister were twins she told me and she missed her very much.

Robin and I later that night had dinner and I presented her with the card. I use to always sign the card:

"I love you, always and forever"

I did again for the first time in 5 years Friday night. Divorce can change and take a lot of things from you but it never took my heart but instead just shattered it into a million pieces. I am slowly giving him all the pieces. My desire has always been to over come my brokenness and become whole again. October should be interesting.

I love you all.

CYBESD-DG

"it's up to me"

Last night was an awesome night at the Valiant Man. This is a group of men who have the desire to deal with issues of moral integrity. I am so proud of each of these men who have made the choice to take these issues from dark to light. Yesterday a friend of mine wrote in his blog about how Moses literally buried his sin as to hide it from everyone.

Exodus 2:11-12 One day, after Moses had grown up, he went out to where his own people were and watched them at their hard labor. He saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, one of his own people. Glancing this way and that and seeing no one, he killed the Egyptian and hid him in the sand.

Upon reading this I also began to think about, "guilt" which brought me to Psalm 33.

Psalm 33:5 Finally I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide them. I said to myself, "I will confess my rebellion to the Lord". And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.

This Psalm goes on to say that we can be stubborn like a mule. Why only give God one option. These mighty Valiant Men have chosen to follow God and not be drug like a mule. They have uncovered the sins they buried and are now trusting the Lord to provide healing and grace. These men are now learning how to break free of the sins that once kept them shackled from God. Guilt is a powerful thing and can keep us from the joy that the Lord has promised us all.

Psalm 33:6 Therefore, let all the Godly confess their rebellion to you while there is time, that they may not drown in the floodwater's of judgement.

How much longer are we going to hold onto the guilt and sin in our lives. It's up to me to decide. Just don't forget that no decision is a decision and the clock can stop at any time.

GBDG

CYBESD

Yes, I was a Valiant Man last week.

It was time to go

Last night at Church we heard a great sermon on fear and a series that was incredible. Pastor Q did such a great job. Each week started by the Pastor entering through the door on stage to begin their sermon. However, last night Pastor Q ended the sermon by asking everyone to go through the door and leave their fears behind. He said that if we really wanted to do that and trust God and give him our fears just to enter the door and leave our fears behind. I saw a few get up then a few more and then finally long lines begin to develop as everyone went through the door. It was impressive. I sat and kept watching everyone. Fear is an emotion that can be for some so overwhelming. It for me can be paralyzing. I kept watching as many of my friends went through the door with their wives, girlfriends, and kids. Each one willing to leave those fears behind. All of them accepting the invitation to step up and go through and leave them behind. One of my brothers came up where I was sitting and asked me a question. He nailed it and I did not answer him truthfully because it was me fearing the truth. I looked up a few minutes later and the door closed. Maybe next time. It was time to go.

I love you all,
CYBESD

God's Children

Back finally. I have missed this crazy blog and am anxious to get back. While in Los Angeles I felt somewhat disconnected from God. Work was work and I missed all my friends so very much. However, I kept asking God what he wanted me to see while gone. The first day seemed so dry in the sense that I could not find that nugget that God wanted me to find. I looked all day for that opening, for that challenge, for that chance to witness and nothing came about. I got on the shuttle bus from the hotel that morning just knowing that God was going to make up for yesterday's missed chances. Again, I felt myself wanting to be in charge. The shuttle took off and I stared out the window and just kept noticing in downtown LA the bums I saw sleeping on the sidewalks curled up next to a door. Yeah, the thought that rushed through was "bum's". I could not get that out of my head all day. Bum's, why was my first thought "bums"?

Webster's definition of Bum:

"a person who avoids work and sponges on others; loafer; idler"

I did not seem to have passion for them for some reason. Part of me as I walked on the sidewalk to the hotel once the shuttle had let us off was wondering why do the police let them stay there. Still my attitude was not of compassion. The next morning we headed to the convention center for the last time. I again stared out the window as the shuttle came to stop at the light. I saw a "bum" curled up at the door but this time it was a woman in rags laying on her side with a child about 8 years old next to her. Tears began to roll down my face. This poor child. Why God allow this child to be here? What in life happened to get them to this door. Why Lord did you allow this to happen? I had slept in a bed the night before and ate a full meal and here in front of me now is this child with such a distant stare on her face.

God spoke to my heart:

1Job 5:1 Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is a child of God. And everyone who loves the Father loves his children, too.

I saw these bum's as I said each day but then I saw the child and wept. I did not see the lady as a child of God. We are all God's children. I knew that in my head but not in my heart that day. Praise be to God for showing me that and reminding me. How many of God's children need to be seen today with compassion and the love they deserve. Everyone is worthy of God's love and should be of mine too. EVERYONE, maybe that's why God allows these things to happen so that us as Christian need to be witnessed to as well. It was in fact these two children of God that witnessed to me. Who do you choose not to love today?

CYBESD

Love you all...and I do mean all of you.

Look closer

What do you see. Some of you may have seen it before in past while others have never seen this print from Thomas Blackshshear II. When I became a Christian it was one of the first prints I was drawn to in my walk. Just seeing Jesus hold me up reminds me of one dark night not so long ago. It depicts how I felt that night. I had to look again at my life and see I needed God. I wanted him in my darkest moment. Why can't I feel that all the time? I strive for that in my life.



Look closer at the print again. The mallet and the spike in his hands are reminders that each of us is responsible for the death of Jesus Christ on the cross. The contemporary man in the painting is in despair and ready to fall to the ground. His expression is that of pain, disparity, helplessness. He himself is a reflection of a man who is totally dependant of God for his salvation. God himself is present to show his grace and love for us all at all times. The setting the author tells us is that of Mt. Calvary the site of the crucifixion. God's over sized hands depict his strength that we should rely on and not ours. His holiness and divinity is seen in the halo of light that surrounds his head. Jesus holds up the man with his wounded hand near his heart symbolizing Jesus wants to change all hearts by the power of his love. His white robe depicts righteousness of which we all should have. The flowing blood is seen as the washing away of our sins. White lilies show us of his beauty and our adoration of him.

Look closer at your relationship with God, maybe just maybe you will see something you have not seen before.

I love you all,
CYBESD

Today is today not yesterday or tomorrow

Are you ready for the new day? The truth is I am not sometimes. This past week at the Wildmen we watched the Nooma "Today". POW! It was great and although I had already seen it I had not listened to it very well. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not here yet but do we live in them any way? Note the worked live not plan of visit. I catch myself sometime wishing I was back at another time in my life or dreaming about the what the future holds instead of living for today.

This is not to say that visiting in the past isn't OK or setting "goals" for the future is bad but if we forget today then we flat out miss it. The it being what God had in store for us today. How many of those have I missed in a life time. Each day is a gift from God but do I always open it or accept it. Until I do it just another day that has gone from a tomorrow and is now a yesterday.

I am going to a friends house tonight just to hang out. Today is still here and so am I by the grace of God so today I intend to live it as a "Today" for today truly is all I have.

Love you all,
CYBESD

Divorce simply sucks.....

I heard a few things yesterday that upset me dealing with the subjects of anger and divorce. They really belong together. Just hearing the word divorce sends me immediately into sorrow. God hates divorce and until I experienced it myself I had no idea what it was how much it can effect yourself and so many people. Like so many I had the uncle that was on his 5th marriage or something like that. I have no idea how he could have understood God's plan for marriage.



It has been almost 5 years since the gavel went down. Some of the wounds have healed and some are as fresh as the day it happened. Holidays not unlike labor day are still tough for me. Holidays conjure up memories of what use to be and how we would truly spend extra family time together. Now I just try to get creative and more then anything avoid being alone. I was doing pretty good but the old enemy just wanted to jump in late Monday afternoon and I was more then happy to let him do so. Depression for me comes so fast sometimes. Pity is one thing I truly hate but leave it up to divorce to bring out all the junk. So, sitting on my couch complete with a barrage of phone calls from my ex-wife I was in that depression spiral I hate but can't seem to stop sometimes on my own.



I wanted to call someone but did not want to hear how much of a great day everyone was having. So, I just asked God for help. The phone rings and it was my friend Sean. How ya doing Dave, he asked. Then with just one answer he knew something was wrong. Just hearing him speak was good enough for me. Not just the awesome advice he gave but the fact that he cared. Once off the phone I was fine. Little beat up emotionally but fine.

A good friend of mine was telling me about someone who had thoughts of divorce. The reason was so sad to me. I just wanted to go and get him and sit him down and explain how much it hurts. Yet people often say "I can't take it anymore in this marriage". I suggest they turn on the stove and place there hand squarely on the burner. It will hurt a great deal but the pain will go away in a few hours.....I wish divorce was that way.

I love you all,
GBDG

The answer is in the mirror.....

Each time I sit down to write this I pray to God to show me something in the day that is important to him. It seems as every day is a lesson. However, this morning I was struggling. What was that nugget he wanted me to speak about? Well, it came in the form of a haircut. I had my first attempt at cutting my own hair alone yesterday. Derek had been teaching me how and I knew it was time to go solo. So, off I went complete with doubt and lack of confidence. With the mirror in one hand and the cutter buzzing loud I took my first sweep. Pow! I don't have much hair to begin with but after that first swipe I was convinced it was all gone. I did finish and for my first time thought I did OK. Unfortunately, I could not bring myself to squaring off the back so later on Derek did the honors.

Four of my good friends had a chance to meet yesterday at Derek's house. What a blessing that home has become to so many. We were sharing what God means to us and how our lives have been changed so much. What makes God real to you one of the men asked yesterday? Two things immediately came to mind. One is the people and events that God has placed in my life and the other is my past.

Whenever I woke up this morning I had no idea what to write about. I decided to get up and take a look to see how Derek had done with the trim job on the back of my neck. So with a hand mirror in one hand and the big bathroom mirror behind me I took a look. Pow! That was it. I noticed how by looking in the hand mirror I could see what was behind me, but the reflection of the big bathroom mirror also showed me what was ahead. As a christian man I need to know how far I have come and how God has been there all along. My past is an indicator of just that. While some may say you should only look ahead I say that sometimes looking behind us does show us how far we have come and how much God has done in our lives.

Make God real in your life and get to know him more every day.

CYBESD

You can have your cake and eat it too....

Last night it was awesome being invited to go to a friend of mines house and to celebrate his wife's birthday. However, when it came to the cake my buddy seemed to take hours before he served it up. He did make a great move by placing only 4 candles instead of ...... on the cake.

It was a great evening and I never like to pass up a time when I can be with my friends. While driving home I pondered the old saying "you can't have your cake and eat it too". Sounds pretty worldly to me. One of the things this great walk with Christ has taught me is the opposite of that very saying. We can receive his grace, mercy, and love plus have an eternal life with him. I have to admit and even now I sometimes wait for the shoe to drop. What's the catch to it all I sometimes ask myself but time and time again I am proven wrong. I am involved in a lot of small groups and for those seekers it seems to be and underlying theme that this can't be as simple as it sounds and there must be a catch.

Enter the holy spirit. Often they refer to it as their conscious speaking only to discover later that in fact it was of the Lord. We chase the idea that to good of a thing is bad. Our expectation is to prepare for the worst in so many things instead of looking for the joy that God has placed in our lives. Sure trials and tribulations will come but as the word says even during those times we learn our greatest lessons. Praise God for that for sure.

It was a Valiant day for me and now I am heading off to church. One note for the next birthday party at my friends house. When about 7 ladies are playing a trivia came at a dinning table be prepared to start eating the cake because there is no chance of hearing yourself talk.

CYBESD

Setting Goals and why or why not...

A very good friend of mine was sharing with me how important it is to write down goals. I kind of laughed it off but as usual this great friend managed once again to plant a seed squarely in my heart. I could not understand why I rarely if ever in my life would do that goal setting thing. Every time including this time I would make some excuse not to and tops of the list would always be my favorite "No Time". I have been praying about it and it is pretty clear to me that I have to in order to have better direction in my life. Sure the winds of change can come in almost any time but like a navigator at sea we still must chart our course. Our heavenly father clearly wants us to set goals.

2Cr 5:9 "So we make it our goal to please him whether we are at home in the body or away from it".
1Cr 9:26
So I run straight to the goal with purpose in every step. I am not like a boxer who misses his punches.
2Cr 10:13
But we will not boast of authority we do not have. Our goal is to stay within the boundaries of God's plan for us, and this plan includes our working there with you.
Job 6:11
But I do not have the strength to endure. I do not have a goal that encourages me to carry on.

I understand there are two kinds of goals, ones you accomplish and ones you don't. Up to now I have only managed to set the goal of not setting goals. A huge error. So at least for now I have managed to get one goal on the books and out of the way which is starting this journal. Thanks oh Lord for using my friend Sean to teach me about goals. Accomplishing goal is important but lessons learned from those you don't obtain can be priceless.

CYBESD

Today a Valiant Man