Happy Birthday, Robin

All week long I wondered what to do, after all on Friday Sept. 21 it was going to be Robin's birthday. I have always tried to treat birthdays special. I recall as a child how special they were each year, after all it was when I got all the attention. During my 20 year marriage I would always try to do something special for Robin and my son Justin.

Lately I have set some tough but needed boundaries in our relationship. So do I for the first time ignore her birthday or do I acknowledge it in a casual way or do I put on a dog and pony show? I called a friend of mines wife and posed that very question. Do what your heart says she told me. POW! So, in a brilliant move I asked her what she thought I would do. Her reply was that I would "cave in". I took offense to that and now I knew the answer. My plan was now just to ignore it totally. I began to call all my friends to make plans for Friday night and everyone was busy. No problem I thought as I went to lunch on Friday not even calling her that morning to wish her a happy birthday. Not me I kept saying, I am not going to cave in this time. My pride began to grow. I stopped by the Christian Book store in Lakeland as I often do at lunch time. I saw all the greeting cards and ignored them so as not to cave in to getting even a birthday card.

I get in this long line and this elderly lady was checking out when she told the clerk she had forgotten to pick up her sister a birthday card. The lady asked if someone could help her since her eyesight was not the best. Her sister Emma was turning 70 in a few days she told the clerk. I got out of line to help her pick out a card. I read a couple of them to her and she was happy with the one that said how much she was thinking of her on her birthday. Then the God Bomb hit! Do you get your wife a card on her birthday she asked? I had not planned to but now my heart left me with little doubt. I picked one out and we both got back in line. She turned to me and asked me when I was going to give it to her and I told her tonight. I asked her when she was going to give her sister her card and she replied she was just going to take it home with her. Why not just give it to her I said, or does she live far away. Her reply with a soft voice was her sister had died three years ago and they had always celebrated their birthdays together except for the first year after she died. She explained to me she was mad at God and her heart was broken. She said she prayed to God and he mended her heart. I asked her when her next birthday was going to be. She said in a few days. Her and her sister were twins she told me and she missed her very much.

Robin and I later that night had dinner and I presented her with the card. I use to always sign the card:

"I love you, always and forever"

I did again for the first time in 5 years Friday night. Divorce can change and take a lot of things from you but it never took my heart but instead just shattered it into a million pieces. I am slowly giving him all the pieces. My desire has always been to over come my brokenness and become whole again. October should be interesting.

I love you all.

CYBESD-DG